Never Give Up, Never Surrender

This year so far has been less than ideal. Some things have been great! ( Like the abounding free time to do whatever I feel) and other things have been less then great (the money that I do not have to do the things I want to do in my abounding free time). Whoa is me and all yada yada. But I have been blessed greatly through this little set back, for one I have reestablished my priorities, faith, family, school...

It was hard to be self motivated at first, and I was sinking fast into depression but school started and I regained a schedule of sorts and have been doing much better. The lack of job thing is still a big issue, (a week ago it was a HUGE issue as they took away my unemployment for being in school.... and with only $2.00 to my name and lots of bills due I was greatly blessed with having it returned to me.) I still have no idea what my next move is I have applied at a slew of places and am waiting for that phone call to come in to direct me, but I fear it may not come. I think I have relied to much on everyone else, even the Lord to find me my next job, and I really need to just figure some things out.

Thankfully that unemployment check helps me to get by, and my loving parents haven't gotten sick of me yet. This has been hardest on them unfortunately, having to see me being unproductive and lost. It shouldn't be a new sight I find myself here often.... but it feels different this time, maybe its because I am older, and am suppose to be 'wiser'. I will have to continue putting my faith in the Lord and doing what I am suppose to and hopefully things will work out. I am not too worried, they always have before. Wish me luck and happy job hunting!

Fortune Cookie Wisdom

So I have not updated my blog for a while... but that is because I have been busy working, and selling diamonds, and having an awesome fun filled summer. So don't worry about me I will be posting a lot of fun stuff soon.... About diamonds, and Lady Gaga, and summer fun. But to leave you with a bit of wisdom my fortune cookie last night said, "you may lack ambition, but no the ability to succeed." this seriously the phrase that has defined my life. And this has come to me in a time in my life where I am sick of school and sick having to deal with life, and although I am was contimplating not finishing school I know I can't not. So wish me luck this upcoming semester!

Happy Birthday TO ME!

My 21st birthday came and went this week and it was amazing! i have the best friends and family. and they all spoiled me and gave me so much fun stuff! i got money, a cute purse, and... a KINDLE!! so book club is so on! bring on the summer and thousands of books right at my fingertips!
first books on the list...
         EAT PRAY LOVE
         Girl With The Dragon Tatoo
         The Hunger Games
if you want to read with me i would love it! pictures of my birthday may or may not be posted soon... i might be busy reading!

i got a glimpse of summer from an odd place

i saw summer, but lets preface that with the fact that it has been semi warm this weekend. Warm enough to stand at the window in the sun and bask in its warmness, but too cold to stay out for too long. But today was nasty, gray, and gross. i had high hopes but alas all i saw outside of the windows at work was blah. blah. blah. Luckily i got to get out and run some errands at work and that is where i saw summer! i was strolling through wal mart looking for the giant Tupperware section and stumbled upon none other than the seasonal aisle. you know the one that has the Christmas stuff the Halloween stuff the Easter stuff, and yes now it holds the summer stuff. and i see floaties and goggles and pools and sunscreen and i think i honestly got warm from the inside out! i cannot wait for summer. that glow was abruptly stolen by the rain that occurred on my drive home. curse you Utah and your teasing weather.

avoiding something?

maybe yes i am avoiding something, a lot of things actually... School work, specifically my paper that is due in oh 4 hours roughly... but i tend to avoid bigger issues too, something i am working on, well lets get real i have stated it out loud and acknowledging you have a problem is the first step to recovery right??

although i am avoiding my school work doesn't mean i don't know that the next month and a half are going to be incredibly busy, which means i need something to focus on... a finish line to look forward to other than not having to wake up at 8am! so i need help thinking of some ideas. i definetly want to do something creative, i feel like i am just academic all the time. I want to see things with an artistic eye, i would express my creativity in clothing more, and would honestly love it if i could but my funds are limited, so i am going to have to find another avenue. so these are some projects i would like to have completed this summer... although other suggestions would be helpful.

do a canvas painting, maybe something incorporating vinyl
work with clay again, I DID enjoy ceramics
find something to do with the MILLIONS of peacock feathers i have *Suggestions needed
and others that i haven't thought of.

also i want to start a book club? i love talking about literature with others and i want to be able to connect with people over shared ideas have heating conversations over non shared ideas!! not that i don't love talking about the twilight books, i just want some depth to my reading.... all those romance novels have done me in!!

lack of sleep??? nah i never think more clearly.

WARNING LONG RANDOM POST AHEAD:(may consist of run-on sentences and word vomit)

i stayed up ALLLLL night. something i haven't done in a long time, the last time i did was the last time i felt this same feeling. i have been feeling it building for a while but it usually doesn't hit me like it did tonight. and maybe its the birds chirping and the sun coming up over the mountains that makes me see things for what they really are. i have no room to complain, i have so much and  i really am grateful, i just can't seem to turn what i have into anything useful.

for a while there i was freaking out about my job, it was alright pay i loved the people i worked with, and i loved seeing clients everyday but lets face it, it wasn't thought provoking at all, i didn't even have to think all day i could just surf the web and chat on facebook ALLL Day. And i had thought of looking else where for a job for a while, but i never actually did. i am lame. but apparently the man pulling the strings upstairs decided that i needed a change of pace, a change of scenery. Phat Lashes closed down, i found out that my job was gone on a Monday, my last day??? Friday the same week. But i didn't have time to focus on myself and that was a good thing because i would have seriously lost it. I spent the week stressing over client list, backstabbing, and careers that were at stake. and to top it off i could no longer afford eyelashes or nails. please they were the first to go, so fast forward to a week later and i am alone with no job, my skin was a mess from stress, and my eyelashes were gone, (and not just the fake ones... my real ones.) who i saw in the mirror was a teenage boy.

but when one door slams you in the face and stubs your toe and breaks your spirit a better one is always opened and i am truly grateful for that. i am now working at The Diamond Gallery and i am completely lost. i know nothing about diamonds, or rings, or jewelery other than the fact that i don't ever wear it (getting engaged?? come see me and i'll hook you up!)... and i'll be honest i was terrified every day that i went into work that first week. i didn't even eat or drink or use the bathroom in the 7 hours i was there.... but i find it refreshing to learn things again, to have new challenges and meet new people.(one thing i have learned? a carat diamond looks really good on my finger.) i was stuck and now i am unstuck, haha i am floating in who knows where but i am finding some solid footing.

its funny to me because when i sat down to actually write this i was planning on saying that i was unhappy, i was sinking into a vat of desperation. but actually writing down everything that has happened in the past month has totally changed my feelings, i am not unhappy, yes unsettled, but thats what happens when you get kicked around. so i am in transition.... and thats okay for now. 


other fun things have happened that have been fun though
lins bought a house, its cute and i live there without paying rent... haha i even buy my own groceries to keep there because i am always there!!! i even have a drawer and toothbrush.
i spent a LONG weekend in park city although i lost my new camera.... and all the cute pictures of my being
'wintery'
we went to the jason aldean concert this weekend so fun!!
and i get to go hear one of my best friends Shalese give her farewell talk today...words can't describe how much i love this girl, and yet i don't think i have talked with her more than a hand full of times since high school.
school is going well i might actually get some b's and a's this semester... 
life is so random that way!!!

                                                 (this is my first picture WITH mascara...Sad)

Pics of Halloween!

Jennie the pirate wench and Jeff the pope

me and tory who is ernie

Dallin Burt Tory Ernie Steph is a bee and ryan is a leprechaun

me and lins the flapper