DREAMIN BIG, but just getting by

i am a vivid dreamer its a problem that i have. i often cant tell the difference between my dreams and reality, usually this occurs when i am really stressed about school or work and so i dream that i am at said places. (this causes problems with my emotional health just in case you were wondering...) i often wake up confused, distraught and sometimes very angry at certain people.

i had a dream yesterday night that was really bad my tia kissing my man... haha and i really woke up and kinda wanted to say HEY!! HE IS MINE. if i didnt know for a fact that she does not like my man i would have probably. (at 4 in the morning no less)

i dont know if its just me that has trouble distinguishing reality and the dream world or if other people have this problem too. but i literally have to sometimes use calming phrases to calm myself down. these dreams do also center around a certain time of the month when my emotions are heightened, but still this sucks.

school is starting soon and i am getting really excited i bought new notebooks and everything!!! i even have coordinating highlighters for classes that coordinate with the same colored notebooks and have color coordinated sticky notes too... call me a nerd if you must but this semester i am going to get straight A's!!

also baby roman was blessed this past sunday!! he's getting so big already and i just love to hold him! i cant believe how good hily looks too! guess i'll have to hit the gym more to keep up!check out Robert and Cheri's blog to see the pics so cute!

LOVE CUTE FONTS???

so i was creating coupons for work ($50 off full set of eyelash extensions if you interested let me know!!) and was looking for cute fonts to make them in. i despise making fliers and coupons because they never turn out as good as i want them too... sigh... but i stumbled on to this website kevinandamanda.com and i found hundreds of darling fonts, the bulk of them are peoples handwriting although she has some scrapbooking ones as well... and the best part?? THEY ARE FREE!! So check them out just click on FREE FONTS at the top of her website and then FONTS FOR PEAS or FREE SCRAPBOOK FONTS and download at your hearts content!

AUGUST 10, 2009- AUGUST 10, 2013

i have been sitting here for about an hour now devising a plan, a 4 year plan.... you see i predict that it will take this amount of years to get my life to a proper place. a place with a new car a new job and a newly graduated me.

year one is all prioritized. mom you'll be happy because in year one i plan on moving out. (although i like to tease you that i will remain at home for the next 5 to 10 years i wish as much as you do that i could 'fly the coup') however it is low on my list right above it is working somewhere that will give me more than 20 hours a paycheck so keep your fingers crossed.

i hate plans, i hate lists, i hate organizing. these are things i hate. so why am i making a plan? in list form? and organizing my life??????? good question i dont know exactly...
all i know is that i dont particularly like where i am at and where i see myself going at this rate, and because those who dont prepare are well unprepared.

any suggestions on how to make a 4 year plan and stick to it are welcome, those that sound like too much work or contain words like 'budget' 'student loans' and 'fixer upper' will be noted and then cast out of my brain. but thanks in advance for any of those suggestions.

364 days to go until year one is over... and tia is going to kill me because part of my plan is waking up in 4 hours to hit the gym...goodie! but it will be done because as 'they' say the early bird catches the worm, or lose an hour in the morning and you will be hunting for it all day, something else about a cat and breakfast??

wish my luck on my first day!!

I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!!

a year ago today i was sitting in east hampton wishing waiting and hoping for the next week to go by fast, and slow all at the same time. a year ago next week i was on a plane flying alone next to the window with a dead ipod and a four hour ride of contemplating my next move. a year ago next month i was a confident sassy 19 year old that had just traveled across the country and survived, barely...i got into trouble, was slightly misguided, made new friends, and got in touch with old ones again. but i had discovered a new me.

but today i sit here back to the old me, back to my boring reality. i have been thinking of the first few months i was back from new york, back to what my outlook on life was. i didn't care what anyone thought of me i was certain of who i was... i was going to class, i wanted to work, i actually read and tried to study. but then tragedy struck and i was stuck again....

i thought going blonde again would help me recapture the magic i had once upon a time... but i realize now that i have to start putting back the peices on my own, i have to recapture the lessons that i learned.

i started this blog because i have something to say-- i started it because i love to hash out my thoughts in the written form, but somewhere along the way i started to become insecure about what my blog said about me to the world... to depressing, you are so dramatic. I WRITE TO RELEASE MY INNER DRAMA (her name is chuck,) my idea of this blog a year ago was an outsource to the chaos in my head. and now i have remembered that and here we are. i apologize to those of you who keep tabs on my on goings through this source. i will write about events from time to time but only when it is relevant to my rant.

happy blogging all and be prepared... chuck has a lot to say.