i got a glimpse of summer from an odd place

i saw summer, but lets preface that with the fact that it has been semi warm this weekend. Warm enough to stand at the window in the sun and bask in its warmness, but too cold to stay out for too long. But today was nasty, gray, and gross. i had high hopes but alas all i saw outside of the windows at work was blah. blah. blah. Luckily i got to get out and run some errands at work and that is where i saw summer! i was strolling through wal mart looking for the giant Tupperware section and stumbled upon none other than the seasonal aisle. you know the one that has the Christmas stuff the Halloween stuff the Easter stuff, and yes now it holds the summer stuff. and i see floaties and goggles and pools and sunscreen and i think i honestly got warm from the inside out! i cannot wait for summer. that glow was abruptly stolen by the rain that occurred on my drive home. curse you Utah and your teasing weather.

avoiding something?

maybe yes i am avoiding something, a lot of things actually... School work, specifically my paper that is due in oh 4 hours roughly... but i tend to avoid bigger issues too, something i am working on, well lets get real i have stated it out loud and acknowledging you have a problem is the first step to recovery right??

although i am avoiding my school work doesn't mean i don't know that the next month and a half are going to be incredibly busy, which means i need something to focus on... a finish line to look forward to other than not having to wake up at 8am! so i need help thinking of some ideas. i definetly want to do something creative, i feel like i am just academic all the time. I want to see things with an artistic eye, i would express my creativity in clothing more, and would honestly love it if i could but my funds are limited, so i am going to have to find another avenue. so these are some projects i would like to have completed this summer... although other suggestions would be helpful.

do a canvas painting, maybe something incorporating vinyl
work with clay again, I DID enjoy ceramics
find something to do with the MILLIONS of peacock feathers i have *Suggestions needed
and others that i haven't thought of.

also i want to start a book club? i love talking about literature with others and i want to be able to connect with people over shared ideas have heating conversations over non shared ideas!! not that i don't love talking about the twilight books, i just want some depth to my reading.... all those romance novels have done me in!!

lack of sleep??? nah i never think more clearly.

WARNING LONG RANDOM POST AHEAD:(may consist of run-on sentences and word vomit)

i stayed up ALLLLL night. something i haven't done in a long time, the last time i did was the last time i felt this same feeling. i have been feeling it building for a while but it usually doesn't hit me like it did tonight. and maybe its the birds chirping and the sun coming up over the mountains that makes me see things for what they really are. i have no room to complain, i have so much and  i really am grateful, i just can't seem to turn what i have into anything useful.

for a while there i was freaking out about my job, it was alright pay i loved the people i worked with, and i loved seeing clients everyday but lets face it, it wasn't thought provoking at all, i didn't even have to think all day i could just surf the web and chat on facebook ALLL Day. And i had thought of looking else where for a job for a while, but i never actually did. i am lame. but apparently the man pulling the strings upstairs decided that i needed a change of pace, a change of scenery. Phat Lashes closed down, i found out that my job was gone on a Monday, my last day??? Friday the same week. But i didn't have time to focus on myself and that was a good thing because i would have seriously lost it. I spent the week stressing over client list, backstabbing, and careers that were at stake. and to top it off i could no longer afford eyelashes or nails. please they were the first to go, so fast forward to a week later and i am alone with no job, my skin was a mess from stress, and my eyelashes were gone, (and not just the fake ones... my real ones.) who i saw in the mirror was a teenage boy.

but when one door slams you in the face and stubs your toe and breaks your spirit a better one is always opened and i am truly grateful for that. i am now working at The Diamond Gallery and i am completely lost. i know nothing about diamonds, or rings, or jewelery other than the fact that i don't ever wear it (getting engaged?? come see me and i'll hook you up!)... and i'll be honest i was terrified every day that i went into work that first week. i didn't even eat or drink or use the bathroom in the 7 hours i was there.... but i find it refreshing to learn things again, to have new challenges and meet new people.(one thing i have learned? a carat diamond looks really good on my finger.) i was stuck and now i am unstuck, haha i am floating in who knows where but i am finding some solid footing.

its funny to me because when i sat down to actually write this i was planning on saying that i was unhappy, i was sinking into a vat of desperation. but actually writing down everything that has happened in the past month has totally changed my feelings, i am not unhappy, yes unsettled, but thats what happens when you get kicked around. so i am in transition.... and thats okay for now. 


other fun things have happened that have been fun though
lins bought a house, its cute and i live there without paying rent... haha i even buy my own groceries to keep there because i am always there!!! i even have a drawer and toothbrush.
i spent a LONG weekend in park city although i lost my new camera.... and all the cute pictures of my being
'wintery'
we went to the jason aldean concert this weekend so fun!!
and i get to go hear one of my best friends Shalese give her farewell talk today...words can't describe how much i love this girl, and yet i don't think i have talked with her more than a hand full of times since high school.
school is going well i might actually get some b's and a's this semester... 
life is so random that way!!!

                                                 (this is my first picture WITH mascara...Sad)

Pics of Halloween!

Jennie the pirate wench and Jeff the pope

me and tory who is ernie

Dallin Burt Tory Ernie Steph is a bee and ryan is a leprechaun

me and lins the flapper

Halloween and Beyond...

Halloween was fun, stressful but fun. my peacock feathers arrived on Friday Oct. 30... holy crap cut it a little close right? used all day Friday at work to make my tail, and went to stephs to glue in all my feathers. it turned out really cute and i promise to post a picture soon. (i still have like 50 feathers left over so if anyone wants any i'll give ya a good deal!) We went down to salt lake for halloween night and it was so fun, and really laid back which was just what i needed!

i finished my rat lab last week and boy was that an adventure. 3 weeks of getting up to campus by 7 and in the 'barn' by 7:30! yuck but it wasnt too bad my lab partner was fun and we had a pretty smart pretty large white rat. and i mean rat... so gross thankfully i only had to pick him up once, and never again will that happen! its sad really that it ended cause that means poor dexter (the rat) got axed... RIP little guy!

November has already had a stressful start and look its December in less than 3 weeks! ahh. i am freaking out. i am doing okay in my classes but i do this every semester, swear i will be different and i always start out great but end up not sleeping the last few weeks of the semester trying to catch up. if there is a medication out there that cures procrastination i need it.. but hopefully i will be able to get it all taken care of and sleep really good over christmas break! my new classes have worked out really great except my 7:30 class... that might just kill me... but if i can do it for 3 weeks every day (rat lab) i can do it twice a week right? heres hoping! pictures and more details to come!

My Love/Hate Relationship with October

I thought i loved october,

• the crisp fall air
• being able to sleep underneath the covers and not get too hot
• the leaves changing colors
• it getting darker sooner
• corn mazes
• haunted houses
• pumpkins
• halloween
• and the list literally goes on and on.

But i recently realized that these things i 'love' actually make me 'hate' october. for example

• the cool air? maybe its cool in the afternoons but the mornings are freaking cold!! As in i am skipping class and staying in my warm bed.
• my warm bed, i wanna stay in it until at least 11:00 am
• it getting darker sooner makes me sleepy and want to go to bed at 7:30...
  
• the leaves, stick to everything my shoes making me drag them into the house and making my shoes wet in the bitter cold mornings.
• halloween i still love you but i hate deciding what to be, and i hate when i find the perfect costume early and i order all my supplies in advance and some dont show up (like the 74 feathers i ordered!!!)
• haunted things, you always sound like a good idea but you never manage to scare me. it is a waste of my money and time...

so i guess that i don't love october, i think i do but in fact i do NOT!!

one thing i do love about october is that makes me remember a great man in my life, although i remember him every day and his example will always stick with me Oct. 29 will always be a sad day. its been one year tomorrow since my grandpa luthi past away, he was an amazing man and i will always remember the conversations we have had and the advice that he has given to me. i still feel very close to him and i cannot wait for the day that i can see him again. although i think he may be disappointed in me for my lack of effort at school lately. learning was something he taught me to never take for granted and every time i read a newspaper i think of him. he was always learning always keeping up on current events. he has impacted my life in such a positive way. i love you grandpa!

my newest obsession...

so ever since the weather started to chill i have been thinking of my halloween costume. what could i be??? i was having a hard time coming up with any ideas so i youtubed halloween makeup and got a ton of videos of pin up girl makeup and hair. and although i decided to not go that route i am obsessed with that era, the women were so beautiful and classy to me. i recently have decided that i am going to be a classy women and start feed off the attitudes and confidence that women had in themselves back in the day. here are some of my favorite girls i am taking inspiration from: Gene Tierney, Miss Monroe, Ingrid Bergman, Elizabeth Taylor, and of course Audrey Hepburn. I was born in the wrong decade!