a little note from the past....

With so much confusion in my life I have been trying hard to find a balance, and it seems to be working mostly. I get up almost everyday for work, get showered, get ready (not to nanny @ 7:00 am but come on thats pushing it) but on my days off which seem to be multiplying I don't know what to do with myself!! I just want to go back to when life was easy!! Although watching Cas go through her teens I defiantly don't want to go back that far!! I did find tonight a little note I wrote, and I dated it back to roughly the middle of my junior year soooo roughly 3 years ago....

Why does it seem like yesterday when me and tia were fighting over who was older and she told me to get off her property, but in all reality it was almost 11 years ago. i remember the summer of cards and the mermaids, the summer of BS, the summer spent making huts in the camel humps, and of course rollerblading and walking to school. but those years are past in a little over a year i will be graduated from high school and having to choose what career i want to pursue, and who i want to be. as i watched my cousins today ages 12, 9, 8, 4, and 9 months, i long for the days of believing in Santa Clause, and the Easter bunny. they are so innocent, like they would never look twice at evil and temptations. i long to be young, but as i get older i realize that i am closer to becoming more like Christ and someday, not soon, returning to him. so as much as i long to make a time machine, i also long to just wait it out, and experience life in full.
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That picture was taken my Junior year, so much has changed I no longer have such a rosie outlook on life, I have gotten further and further away from all my 'goals'. I have been wasting my time really! It has taken me over a year to get my life back into some kind of order, I moved away, I slightly grew up, I experienced a whole different life. Yet here I am, living at home (loving it too by the way mommy), not in school, working a low income job by choice??? I am stumbling around trying to remember what I am here for, however I am hoping that I am stumbling in the right direction. Because really I do want to stick around a while longer and see what more I can experience.