On the road again...

I am consumed with nervous energy, my trip to Hawaii is tomorrow, and that means that New York is getting closer. Not that I am getting cold feet, nope I am in it to win it, but leaving my life behind...disappearing in a sense...hasn't been as easy as I had thought. Finally I decided to sit down and write thank you's to my bosses at Kohl's store 195 but I couldn't do it. It was almost too hard to say good bye. This made my thoughts go into a tail spin...if I couldn't say goodbye to Kohl's can I say goodbye to my family?

Although its not forever this is a step into uncertain waters and I haven't ventured far from my swimming hole in almost two years. I've had the same job, the same friends, the same responsibilities since High School. I see the same people day in and day out, heck I get asked questions when I am in my sweats and shopping not working. But what is it about new things, about change that makes people, well me so scared? Its the fact that I have to start over, from scratch. Everything I knew, everyone I knew changes...I am no longer in control over my life, I am simply a wave that can be tossed upon open water.

This is the same reason that I've been afraid to find new friends, to meet new people, and try new things. Because I am scared of losing control over my own life. Well today I am cutting my own strings, I am letting go and I am not going to live my life as a puppet, or a puppeteer. I am not going to be so controlling, I am going to live for the moment, even if the moment scares me to death. Man I sooo need a vacation!